You may find it hard to admit it but, we all have experienced or sensed at least once that we possessed seeds of jealousy. As creatives, entrepreneurs, professionals, or even simply as humans, though it feels wrong, many of us, including me, have looked at other people, have desired one or a few of the things they have. We've started wishing we had them as well... And voilà, seeds of jealousy made their way to the soil of our hearts.
If this is a hard pill to swallow, take your time to assess things in your life. If on the other hand, you are aware of this tendency within you and me, I would like to share with you 3 reasons why this can happen, especially for creatives and entrepreneurs. Then, I'd like to finish with some recommendations, things you can do to combat the feeling and the seeds of jealousy that may come.
1. Jealousy towards someone can happen when we don't actually know what's going on in their private world.
Often times, we see the person online, maybe we see their posts on Instagram, the wins, the accomplishments, the accolades. What we don't necessarily see or know about are the struggles, the doubts, the inner turmoil they may also have. If you are fortunate enough to do life with that person, knowing about the good days as well as the bad days gives you a balanced understanding of who they are. However, if you only connect with them in public settings, such as social media, be aware that what you see isn't the full picture, that just like you, they struggle too.
2. Jealousy towards someone can happen when we desire the fruits of the labor without having to go through the labor itself.
It's quite natural to want things to be easy. I often wish doing freelance and business was smoother, easier, more fruitful, and so on. But if we stay in that 'I wish' state of mind, we start to see those with fruits we long for in a light that's detrimental to our souls. We start longing for their fruits, maybe their client list, or their skills and assets, for their success {insert here whatever you've ever longed for}. What we don't always long for is the 'preparation season', the learning curve, the trials, and errors, the fails, the disappointments, the hours getting educated and practicing the skillset, etc. The reality is that one cannot earn a fruitful harvest without having toiled first.
3. Jealousy towards someone can happen when we consume way more than we create.
Seasons where I'm scrolling through my feed, looking at what everyone is posting and creating, while I am not productive for myself, I simply open the door to jealousy. It's not a competition, and don't make it so. Creating should be motivated first and foremost by your desire to contribute in some way, shape, or form. If you find yourself consuming other people's content, my own included, and if you find that this is becoming detrimental to your wellbeing (that you need tons more social media breaks and fasts), consider pausing on consuming. Next, consider sifting through the kinds of content you regularly would consume. Then consider making a plan for how you can not only consume but also create... something... anything...
I've touched on some recommendations but let me now share the 3 tips I have for you and me, as we fight against seeds of jealousy.
1. Avoid comparison like the plague...
This is a lesson my dad drilled in me early on, "Stop comparing, stop comparing, stop comparing Mélissa". So start today by doing just that.
2. Focus on your 'why' and start creating...
Go back to the drawing board. Why do you do what you do? Who are you serving? What is the point? If you need clarity for your Instagram page, I have a blog post about just that. Knowing your 'why', being excited about this why will then be your sole focus, distracting you from envy. Then, once you have your 'why', go ahead and create.
3. Affirm and celebrate people, especially the ones you might be tempted to envy.
Kill them with love and kindness. Whenever you feel a seed of jealousy popping out (and even as a preventive measure), like, comment, share their post, compliment them, and support their business, their project, their work. Kill jealousy with kindness. Trust me, you'll see...
I hope all these recommendations were helpful. If you have some more, share them in the comment section. If you'd like to talk to me specifically about booking an Instagram Consult so that you start understanding your 'why' a little better, check out the IG Consult page and reach out!
